Day 19 - N Abbots Bromley to Leek (21 miles)

Today I struggled. I woke at Gayle and Mick's place feeling refreshed but anxious. This anxiety has been with me most mornings and is almost certainly because I am doing +20 miles per day. Mick and Gayle fed me and then Gayle drove me to my pick up/drop off point. I donned my pack (which, incidentally, we weighed. It topped the scales at 44lbs! Some streamlining required I think) and set off for Leek.

Today was going to be a bit of minor roads and A-roads which is fine. I would say though if anyone else tries the End to End experience you should plan not to use roads and you should take longer to do it than 2 months. I currently feel I am rushing it and although I am seeing many beautiful places and things I am sure there is oodles that is passing me by. But back to today...

Like I said I struggled. Within 30 minutes I was grumpy, not really grumpy but on the cusp of becoming very grumpy. I obviously knew this was futile and silly but I couldn't put my finger on what was bothering me. I do know my walking poles kept slipping from their bungie housing on my pack which made them irritating. I took a moment on the side of the road and tried to sort the poles. They weren't playing ball so I did what any juvenile would do and had a tantrum! The sticks landed in the hedge and I immediately thought "idiot". As I'd let the poles get to me this made me more grumpy. I'm starting to think I could probably have an argument with myself if you put me in a box. I decided what was best was to keep walking until this feeling subsided. Sticks retrieved and back in their bungie home I set off.

I reflected on the last few weeks, on how lucky I am, on Richards plight, on my Dads condition, on my daughter and not seeing her as much as I'd like, on relationships. And then I stopped myself. I realised negative emotions were getting to me. This was all part of the weird feeling I started with. I had to power through this. First walk break came and went, I didn't want to stop. Lunch came and went, I still didn't want to stop, I had to walk this feeling off. 16 miles and I spoke to my brother Adie. I explained I feeling like it was getting to me but I was okay. I knew this was going to be one of those days. After the call I started getting feedback from my feet to tell me to stop. A convenient bench appeared and I sat, released my pack, tilted my head back, and promptly fell asleep. This is not the first this instant sleep has hit me and when I woke 5 minutes later I realised my whole days mood was because of tiredness. 20 miles a day carrying 3 extra stone is a lot of punishment for the body and exhaustion builds up. Rest days are important!

I felt really happy that I'd found the root of the problem and took to the road. The 20 minute break had done me wonders! A spring was back in my step and a smile returned to my face. I felt happy that I'd worked through the problem. Okay it had taken 6 hours but I got there. The next few miles sailed by, normal service had been resumed.

As far as the walking goes the terrain is getting hilly again bit they aren't having the impact Devon had. These are much more enjoyable!

I've arrived at today's B&B in Leek and I'm famished! (I don't recommend skipping meals especially when you are doing upwards of 120 miles a week, not clever!) I'm off to the local Italian to load carbs galore into my body.

If today sounds like a downer it wasn't, it was just hard. Other people have much much harder battles in their life, my day was nothing but a bit of exhaustion. Rest days 'cure' that. I need to remind myself there are others out there trying really hard to get better and I know they will (Richard I'm thinking of you) but you'll need to take your time. When I get back hopefully you can take me for a beer and tell me all about your journey.

Tomorrow I think I'm heading out of Staffordshire. Another county closer to the goal!